Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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