You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
