But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
