what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
