I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
