every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
