He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
