There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
