I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
