Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
