i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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