White coat. Heels.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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