I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
