The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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