I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
