It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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