Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
