This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
