he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
