Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
