Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
