As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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