We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
