3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
