Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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