Pants 0. Shit 1.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
