Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
