you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i came on her dog
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
