God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
