i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
