none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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