I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
