Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
