Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
