so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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