you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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