Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
