It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
