Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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