Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
