Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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