Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
