what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
