What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
