Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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