i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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