Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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