oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
