Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
