I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
