is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
